I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize