my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
