ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
