Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Randomize
