the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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