thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
