dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
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