So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
