If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
