I just pynch a tree in the face
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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