She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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