Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
