sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
