I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I'm bleeding and have questions
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize