If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize