I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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