I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
