so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Randomize
