Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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