Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
