and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Holy sore nipples Batman
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
