yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
