Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
