he thought i was a dude.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
