you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
