I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Randomize
