heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
