Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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