Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize