The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
