3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
