Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
