he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
