I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
