The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
