Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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