i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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