did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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