You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
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