Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
