There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
