Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
