Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
