no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
