he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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