Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
