why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
