You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize