Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
It's like God shit irony all over that family
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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