Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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