you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
