u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
