i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
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