just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
