I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
