at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
