he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
