a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
We need to feng shui this bitch.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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