it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
