happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
