mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize
