Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
