i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
