my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
