And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
