So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
