Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Randomize
