Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
