So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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