What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
