My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize