The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
