Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
