Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize
