i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
