remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
as a side note pls kill me
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
