I wish I could punch you in the face.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize