I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
