Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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