I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
