and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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