never play flip cup with pint glasses
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I have post one night stand depression
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize