So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
