ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
