my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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