What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
