i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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