I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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